


A song of love and devotion

by cloudymood



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pirate, Captain/First Mate, I watched too much One Piece, M/M, Pirates, Yearning, captain (homoerotic)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:08:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28246701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudymood/pseuds/cloudymood
Summary: “You could be my first mate, the pirate in this book has one.” Soonyoung kept talking excitedly. “And what does that mean?” Wonwoo could only answer his proposal with a question. “Ah, Wonwoo. It’s the first one to join the crew, he is the one that the captain trusts the most, his best friend in the whole world.”Being the captain's first mate, Wonwoo always devoted all of himself to Soonyoung. His body, his mind, his heart and his life.
Relationships: Jeon Wonwoo/Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	A song of love and devotion

  


In front of them there’s a picture book, it tells the tales of a brave warrior and some of his adventures at the sea. It belongs to Wonwoo, although he doesn’t really care about it. Soonyoung on the other hand, has stars in his eyes. Wonwoo doesn’t get why, since most of the book, if not all of it, are just lies, tales, stories that were never nor will ever be true. So he keeps looking at Soonyoung and his infinite admiration.

Wonwoo gets surprised when Soonyoung holds him by his shoulders and takes a deep look into his eyes, getting ready to say something, and by the way his eyes look, Wonwoo knows that he is being serious about whatever he is going to say. “Wonwoo, we have to do it,” Soonyoung says, leaving a confused expression on Wonwoo’s face. “We have to go out to the sea,” he clarifies. Wonwoo never thought about it, he never took interest in being a pirate, or worse, joining the navy. To be honest, Wonwoo wasn’t even a good swimmer, he could barely stay afloat for a long period of time, he wouldn’t admit it, but secretly he was afraid of drowning, that is why he never tried to learn how to swim and every single time time Soonyoung would invite him to do one of those crazy stuff like jumping from a high place to the sea, he would just say he would rather pass the opportunity.

“You could be my first mate, the pirate in this book has one.” Soonyoung kept talking excitedly. “And what does that mean?” Wonwoo could only answer his proposal with a question. “Ah, Wonwoo. It’s the first one to join the crew, he is the one that the captain trusts the most, his best friend in the whole world.”

Wonwoo couldn’t quite understand the concept of first mate. What was so important about it? The captain should trust his whole crew, right? If he wasn’t Soonyoung’s first mate, would that mean that his captain would trust him less? That he couldn’t be his best friend because he arrived a little late? There was a turmoil of thoughts going on inside Wonwoo’s head, but Soonyoung’s voice brought him back, “Let’s set sail one year from now on, we’ll be nine,” he let go of Wonwoo’s shoulders so that he could show him a nice using his hands, “we will be pretty strong, don’t you think?” Soonyoung smiled. When he smiled genuinely like that, his eyes would look even smaller than they already are, almost as if they are closed. Wonwoo couldn’t tell why, but Soonyoung’s smile would always make him smile too.

At that time, he was eight and couldn’t quite understand what Soonyoung meant.

  


* 

  


They didn’t leave when they were nine, nor ten, although Soonyoung wanted to. They didn’t have a boat, nor knew how to navigate, and above everything else, they were children. Instead, they left after Wonwoo’s seventieth birthday. There wasn’t nobody to stop them, but there wasn’t anyone to watch as they left either. Their ship was rather a boat than a ship, but it was the best that they could buy with the money they gathered through the years, they were already lucky enough that their boat had a cabin and a sail.

“What are you going to do when you finally rule the sea?” Wonwoo says as he watches Soonyoung’s back. He never understood what his captain looked so much at. Sometimes he wonders why the view of the world from the bow seems so rewarding to him, maybe it’s the colors of the sea seen from there, or how the endless horizon maybe seems at his reach, just waiting for his hands to hold it.

Wonwoo closes one of his eyes and raises his hand forward, as if he is trying to reach something, although the unspoken words that cross his heart says that he is trying to reach someone. It’s at this very moment that Soonyoung finally looks at him, his eyes full of curiosity. Soonyoung giggles. “Ah, Wonwoo. What are you saying?” Wonwoo lowers his arm. “We are not going to rule the sea. We are going to be free,” and just like that Soonyoung smiles. It’s different from other times, the ones Soonyoung would smile at something funny. It’s a smile full of confidence.

Perhaps Soonyoung was a strange man, he wouldn’t ask what Wonwoo is doing when he has one of his arms raised, trying to reach something that is far away. He would talk about things Wonwoo couldn’t quite understand, like the time when they were fifteen and Soonyoung said Wonwoo was the only person in the world he could trust to be his first mate. There was an infinite list of things about Soonyoung that Wonwoo would always think about but never really get an answer to.

“Freer than anyone else, Wonwoo.”

He knows why Soonyoung is smiling. It’s because it’s true. As long as Soonyoung is his captain, Wonwoo knows that he can be free. Live as he wants.

Wonwoo looks at Soonyoung again. Wonwoo thinks he likes it better when the view of the world has Soonyoung’s back. He could stare at it all day and never get tired of it. He smiles too.

  


* 

  


Wonwoo kept watching Soonyoung’s back. Now, they have a big ship and a large crew. No, now Soonyoung has a big ship and a large crew. It’s Soonyoung’s. Everything there was his. The treasure they got at some random island, including the pieces of jewelry that Soonyoung would wear. Wonwoo thinks that Soonyoung shines. With his rings decorating the captain’s fingers with a variety of tones of gold and precious stones of multiple colors, and the thin golden necklace with a pendant of some blue gemstone, _“It’s a sapphire,”_ Soonyoung would always correct him, while Wonwoo would argue that it was actually a _“blue topaz, obviously.”_ Wonwoo knows he is correct because he once read about it in a book, but there’s no use in arguing with Soonyoung. He is the captain, so if Soonyoung says it’s a sapphire, then it is, even if it was some pebble he got at some beach, if Soonyoung said it was a sapphire, it certainly was one.

This crew was also Soonyoung’s. He gathered them all by himself, the crew was like a little patched family to Soonyoung, they were all different, but in the end of the day, did it really matter? Wonwoo knows that even though he won’t say it out loud, Soonyoung is proud of every single one of them, and everything he does it’s for the sake of his crew, not for some greedy ambition that in the end of the day won’t mean anything to Soonyoung if he is the captain of a dying crew. Wonwoo is also his crew. He also thinks of himself as Soonyoung’s. His body, his mind, his heart and his life. He devoted all of it to Soonyoung when they set sail, no, maybe even before. When Soonyoung holded him and taught him how to swim, Wonwoo still remembers the feeling of Soonyoung’s hands and his voice saying that he wouldn’t let Wonwoo drown.

And of course, the ship is Soonyoung’s too. He found them a talented shipwright, and Wonwoo doesn’t know the details, but now they have the Tiger’s Fury. Soonyoung insisted on naming the ship after _“the most ferocious animal in the world,”_ at first, Wonwoo thought it was a silly name, but he couldn’t do anything, if the captain chose it, it’s a good name. If he were to be honest, Wonwoo wanted to name it after some deity, he thought it’d give them some kind of good luck. Now, when he thinks about it, Tiger’s Fury suits both the ship and its captain. The big ship imposed over their enemies a fear Wonwoo couldn’t quite comprehend, and so did his captain. Soonyoung had the same gaze as of a tiger, every single enemy that tried to board their ship would run away just by crossing eyes with Soonyoung. He could never understand a lot of things, and this unending fear towards the ship and its captain was one of them.

Wonwoo had a lot of respect for his captain, but he never, not even a single time feared him. Not even when Soonyoung had someone’s blood on his hands and a dark expression covered his face. Not even if Soonyoung wore all the darkness of the bottomless sea on his face Wonwoo would fear him. Because can you really call it home if you are afraid of it?

  


* 

  


No one was allowed in the captain’s room. Except for Wonwoo. Right now, they both know that most of the crew is already fast asleep, except for the ones that are taking turns watching over the ship, and of course, the ones that left the ship to seek for something while they are still anchored. Sex, alchohol, Wonwoo doesn’t ask and neither does Soonyoung, afterall, they are pirates because they wanted to be free, right? Or how Soonyoung would say, _“freer than anyone else.”_  
The only thing illuminating the room was the dim light from the candle Soonyoung lighted up, if it wasn’t for it Wonwoo wouldn’t see anything, not that he minded, he intuitively knew where everything was from the amount of time he spent in that room, both lighted up and in complete darkness.

Wonwoo does his best to change Soonyoung’s bandages, but he is no doctor, navigators shouldn’t be taking care of someone’s wounds, but it wasn’t anything that Wonwoo hasn't done before. They spent a lot of time without a doctor and Soonyoung was quite a troublemaker, so it was only natural for the first mate to take care of his wounds the best he could. Soonyoung says he doesn’t mind that it isn’t perfect, that he is almost completely healed. Wonwoo can’t see every single one of Soonyoung’s scars, but he knows that his captain is full of them, because his hands took care of more wounds than he could count. 

“You should take care of yourself, captain,” Wonwoo says, still focused on the scars on Soonyoung’s bare chest. Wonwoo wants to touch, but he knows a touch like would have too much affection and he can’t afford touching Soonyoung like that. “Are you giving me an order, Wonwoo?” Soonyoung says, but Wonwoo doesn’t see anger in his eyes, neither he hears it in his voice. There’s silence in the room. It wasn’t an order, but Wonwoo thinks maybe it should be. An order to stop him from getting more and more scars. “You should take care of yourself, _Soonyoung,_ ” Wonwoo’s words were more of a wish than anything else, a wish for his captain to stop bleeding, stop betting hurt. There’s a certain tenderness in his voice, in the way he ways Soonyoung’s name, like a sweet melody, it’s a song that Wonwoo sang to himself too many times before falling asleep, and another countless times while still awake, when there are only the two of them around, and he knows is the only one brave enough to sing it out loud. It's a song of pure devotion, not for captain, although he also devoted all of himself to his captain, when he says it like that, it’s for Soonyoung he sings it. 

“You are one to say. You have this big scar on your chest because I wasn’t strong enough to protect our crew,” Soonyoung says, his eyes resting on his chest, “To protect you.” Soonyoung reaches out to Wonwoo’s chest, although Wonwoo is wearing a shirt Soonyoung’s fingers rest exactly where his scar starts, he doesn’t need to see in order to trace almost perfectly where Wonwoo’s scar starts and finishes.

Wonwoo never blamed Soonyoung for the scar, all that he could think at that moment as he watched Soonyoung fall on his knees in front of a stronger enemy and a blade came in his captain’s direction was that he needed to save his captain. The only thing he remembers after that is waking up in Soonyoung’s bed. His chest wrapped up in bandages, and the overwhelming worry that came from the captain’s gaze. He also remembers Soonyoung’s fingers running through his hair, carefully removing it from his forehead while whispering words Wonwoo couldn’t quite figure it out. A part of him believes it was all a fever dream. The other he locked away, he can’t allow himself to think about such an intimate touch and what it could mean to have such affectionate hands taking care of him.

Wonwoo is already healed now, but this is the first time that Soonyoung talks about it. It’s the first time that Soonyoung’s hand touches him with intentions he can’t quite figure it out. Is it pity? Is it guilty? Wonwoo asks himself. Soonyoung already touched him before, and he touched him too. But back then it was a different kind of touch. When he touched Wonwoo like that, he had the intentions of a sinner, and he did things that shouldn’t be talked about in the next morning. But Wonwoo always touched him back with the intentions of a devotee, a believer.

“Why? Why were you willing to die for me? What were you thinking?” Wonwoo’s heart breaks a little from hearing the suppressed sound of Soonyoung’s voice now that his head rests on Wonwoo’s shoulders. “When I asked you to be my first mate I wanted you to live freely by my side,” Wonwoo hears every word, he wants to hold Soonyoung too. “Not to die next to me bounded by some need of sacrificing yourself trying to save me.”

Soonyoung’s hands are now holding Wonwoo, pulling him closer and closer. He wants to hold him more than anything in the world, but he can’t afford to hold Soonyoung in the same way he holds Wonwoo. What happens in Soonyoung’s room isn’t something to be talked about in the next morning, that is why he can’t give back to Soonyoung the affection he receives from his touch now. Wonwoo can handle wanting something and never asking for it, but he can’t handle having what he wants for a second and then never again.

“This blade is Soonyoung’s, this wound is Soonyoung’s, but I’m also his, so let me this one time be a little selfish and take something that belongs to him,” Wonwoo tries his best to explain what he thought at that moment. He doesn’t know if Soonyoung understands what he means by that, but he is afraid that if he says anything else, he will make more of a fool of himself.

Wonwoo feels Soonyoung letting him go off his grip. Soonyoung’s hands are quick to find the way to the back of Wonwoo’s neck. There’s a moment of silence where Wonwoo allows himself to feel Soonyoung’s hands, to melt under his touch. “Stay,” Soonyoung says. It’s a wish. “I...” Wonwoo hesitates. “I can’t,” he says.

  


* 

  


Wonwoo watched from afar as they left, one by one. Until Soonyoung’s back was all that he could see. That and the flames engulfing the Tiger’s Fury. He knew how much that ship meant to Soonyoung, but this was the end of Soonyoung’s journey, it was only natural that the ship had to come to an end too. A ship’s life is taking people from one place to another, so what is its use if it isn’t going to take anyone anywhere ever again?

“Are you going back home?” Wonwoo questions. Now, there’s only him and Soonyoung. No captain, no first mate. Just the two of them, just like it was before they left together. “No. The Tiger’s Fury’s adventures are over. So there’s no home to go back to.”

Soonyoung had decided that this would be the crew’s last voyage, after that, everyone was free to do as they pleased. So everyone left, reluctantly but one by one said their goodbyes. All of them would live at Soonyoung’s heart, but there was no point in staying there if they weren’t going to set sail ever again. And the former captain knows it. He knows it too well.

“What about you?” Soonyoung says as Wonwoo sits by his side. They are on a beach, and the Tiger’s Fury is barely visible now, its distant flames are the only sign that it still exists, or that it existed someday. “My captain’s ship is that one,” Wonwoo points to the ship he knows so well, the ship they know so well. “So I don’t think I have a home to go back to either.” He looks at Soonyoung by the corner of his eye, just to catch a glimpse of his smile.

Wonwoo looks at Soonyoung’s hands, his fingers messing around with the sand. “Wonwoo, you are free. You can go now.” Now Wonwoo’s fingers are doing the same as Soonyoung’s, drawing lines in the sand, but each one in a different way. Wonwoo never liked sand that much, so he tries not to sink his fingers too deep into the grains of sand. Soonyoung draws deep lines, the type that the wind might take a while to cover up again. “Haven’t I always been free?” Wonwoo answers, and now Soonyoung really is smiling, that one smile that makes his eyes small and makes Wonwoo smile too.

“Stay,” Soonyoung says, much like a night that never really left Wonwoo’s memory. “We may not have our ship anymore, and our crew is now far away, but stay.” Soonyoung holds his hand, the lines in the sand staying unfinished. “And I know you never wanted anything because you wanted me to have it all, right? So this time, stay and ask for what you want.”

Wonwoo thinks he got it all wrong. All this time he was the one with the hands of a sinner, the one who doesn’t talk about things in the morning. Truth is, Wonwoo was afraid. He was afraid he was going to drown. But he remembers the feeling of the tip of Soonyoung’s fingers on his back and a soothing voice saying “don’t drown, I’m here, I won’t let you drown,” So Wonwoo dives. It doesn’t matter if it’s into the sea or Soonyoung. He doesn’t need to be afraid. For the first time, he holds what has always been within his reach. He allows himself to hold him like that, to give all the affection he grew afraid of all this time.

He always liked to watch Soonyoung’s back. It was like the distant horizon that he always imagined at the reach of his hand but never touched it in a way that he wanted, in a way that was going to mean something the next morning. Not the hands of a sinner neither of a believer. The hands of a lover.

_“Soonyoung,”_ Wonwoo says, but that is also what he is asking for. His name like a song, a song that he can say as many times as he wants. This time is a song of love. The song he has been singing this whole time and calling it devotion to his captain.


End file.
